big lumpy half cooked cake

Getting around it like a piece of cake..... a big lumpy half cooked cake. I have to think of all little things no one else has too. Like wide door ways and steps up into buildings. I have done this for so long I no longer realize I’m doing it.

To most people I look hyper organized. I have to be organized in order to have the extra time to deal with the little things that come up. Yea I leave for class at lest 30 minutes early. It gives me time to get to class with out feeling rushed or worried.

People need to learn to slow down. Society tried to make me move faster, well that’s just not going to happen. They need to take the time and realize there is more to life than being fast.

Everything Comes in Waves

Everything comes in waves. Even this year thing and feelings come in waves. Most day you just live and go through the motions. When your whole day is taken up by class and church and every other little thing you don’t have time to think about the hard stuff. Just when things started going well to the point of almost forgetting about the CP you get slapped in the face. This post was spurred by a comment made from another blogger. He asked and said many things but one thing he wrote hit me. He wrote “watching other girls get asked out on dates, etc. Something like that would have hurt me deeply at that age...but she seems okay. "SEEMS."” Its hard for me to think of the write things to say. I had many said moments especially in JR. High. I hated not being asked to do thing or going on dates. But for the most part things were good its easy to forget the hard sad stuff. Time really does make it better I never thought that was true but it has been for the most part true. If you really like this girl than get to know her it will soon be apparent as to how she feels about her life. Almost everyone I have meet with CP has a good life and enjoys it for the most part. Everyone has bumps in the road people with CP have more apparent bumps than other peoples’. I bet she does not think of the hard stuff all the time and you are only because its new to you. I applaud you for taking a change on this girl most guys would not. Because you recognize the challenges she faces you’re a better person for it. This guy seems like every parents dream. I worry and wish for a regular life/ day like a normal date or a wedding. I may never get my wedding day but as for a normal day my best friend Katlin made my prom the best ever and I felt normal even on the dance floor it was great!

Long Time

So I have not written in over a week. I got a killer sinuses infection. Its been over a year that I have need antibiotics. When I was little my parents worried very time I got a cold, very thing seemed to go straight to my lungs. My father even got his own stethoscope and had been caught in the middle of the night checking on my sister and I with it.

My sinuses infection knocked me out completely. I have been tired all week. Every time I get sick it really affects my balance and my stamina. I trip over every thing, when I stand up I fall over its hard and frustrating. It takes me longer to do what I want to do and need to do like getting to class.

The problems I have when I get sick are small compared to other peoples daily life, the hard part is that it’s a little reminder to the people I see every day that I different and some times it the end for some of my relationships.

Weather

Sometimes I feel underestimated by people that I'm around. Sometimes I think they're too quick to judge me based on first impression then they don't want to take the time to get to know the person that I am.

Today with the weather as bad as it is I feel more in the spot light. Its freezing the temp is the negative single digits. When it gets cold my body just will not listen to me. Every thing gets tight and stiff, my balance is nonexistent and I’m sore.

I feel “old” for a lack of a better word. Plus the fear of falling in my number 1 worry. SO I have been hiding in were its worm only leaving for class. Today the city my college is located in close but yet the university gods did not cancel class.

The sidewalks are rarely cleared before I have to walk to class and less than ½ the stares have banisters and close to 1/2 of the banisters are usable. Most of them are too big to get a good grip on making the pointless. I’m about I wage a war over this. Thursday I will be calling Disability Services about this as well as calling the grounds department about keeping the sidewalks snow- free. These are the little things most people never notice but I get to see them all the time. I’m able to stand up for my self and other people that will be coming to this school. X X university has a great programs to assist students with disabilities and are very good at helping students but the campus sucks.